What happened?!?

There were a lot of factors playing into this decision, but the main one is that the site became a chore. My intention was to build a community around this site and that just didn’t happen. The numbers are still laughably low. My approach to running this site was very amateur, and it showed. I was disorganized and unprepared.

Plus, since it became a chore, the humor became forced. I can’t write funny stuff when I’m forcing myself to do it. It just doesn’t happen for me. Most successful humor sites have staffs. I don’t.

So now where am I supposed to go for my ‘90s fix?

There are a couple of different great options for you:

Retro Junk is a one-stop shop for articles and videos on the ‘80s and ‘90s. Unfortunately, the articles are submitted by users, so the quality runs from really funny to painfully awful. But they will bring back memories for you. The real great part about Retro Junk is its video section – commercials, TV bumpers, and television opening themes are all there to waste your time!

The second option is to follow me on Facebook: just do a search for “Tom Meitner” in Milwaukee, WI. If you’re not friends with me already (and most of you are), just add me and I’ll be happy to welcome you. I still spend time reminiscing about the ‘90s, and I will be posting videos and articles to my Facebook profile for people to enjoy, so keep your eyes peeled there! I will also be putting together a little playlist with ‘90s songs for you all to listen to on there as well.

What about your awesome writing? Now what do I do?

First, thanks for the kind words. My newest project is The Practical Nerd, a site aimed at helping people improve and enjoy their lives better. It is already much more popular than this site ever was, and it continues to climb. Head over there, sign up for my free newsletter (and get your free ebook!) and enjoy the content there. You can also follow me on Twitter if you would like.

Thank you to all of you for your support over the past year. I’m sorry it has to end this way, but I will see you all on Facebook!

Tom “The ‘90s Guy”

“Groove Is In The Heart” was Deee-lite’s biggest hit, rocking the charts in 1990. According to Wikipedia, it is a “funky, cheerful love song” that compares hearing an awesome song and falling in love.

It hit #4 here in the States on the Billboard Hot 100, and even sat on #1 in Australia. That’s how you know you’ve made it big, kids. Australia.

I don’t really have much else to say about this one. It’s a fun song, keeps your feet tappin’, and it’s from the ‘90s. Do I need to add anything else? I think not. Enjoy!

	Deee-Lite - Groove Is In The Heart
	Found at skreemr.com

#5. Bret “The Hitman” Hart

Bret Hart edged out Shawn Michaels in my rankings simply because he was a champion longer. Bret started out the ‘90s in The Hart Foundation with his partner, Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart, but by 1991, he was wrestling for the Intercontinental Title.

In 1992, he beat Ric Flair (a man left off of this list for being MUCH bigger in the ‘80s) for the world championship. There he led the “New Generation” movement throughout the early-to-mid ‘90s. He was the guy that ended Yokozuna’s long title reign in 1994, and had a huge rivalry with brother Owen throughout that summer. He was constantly in the main event picture throughout the decade. As the mid-‘90s became the later ‘90s, he began a real-life feud with Shawn Michaels, where they would reportedly fight backstage and lob personal insults at each other onscreen. Their feud directly led to the aforementioned “Montreal Screwjob”, where WWF owner Vince McMahon tricked Hart into losing the title to Michaels against his will. Hart stormed out of the WWF and to WCW, where he kinda floundered around because monkeys were sitting at typewriters backstage in WCW.

In 1999, Goldberg kicked Hart in the head during a match and gave him a legitimate concussion. Then, in another match with Goldberg, he struck his head on the concrete floor when Goldberg took a move improperly. The moral of the story is nobody should ever be in a match with Goldberg. Ever. He developed post-concussion syndrome and had to retire.

Today: Hart fell off his bicycle, hit his head and suffered a stroke from it in 2002. He has since recovered from complete paralysis in the left side of his body and is reportedly emotionally imbalanced from the incident, which is a common side effect from many stroke survivors. He was able to bury the hatchet with Vince McMahon enough to both help produce a DVD documentary of his career and be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. He has also written a killer autobiography detailing his career.

#4. The Rock

The Rock had a horrible start. In 1996, he debuted as Rocky Maivia, a goody-two-shoes good guy in the start of an era where good guys were hated. People chanted “Die Rocky Die” while he wrestled. Not exactly the type of reaction you’re looking for when you’re a good guy. So, he went bad and joined the black militant group The Nation of Domination and changed his name to The Rock.

He grew more hated by the day, and his cockiness became more and more entertaining as well. He began to start spouting catchphrases, including his now-famous “Do you smell what The Rock is cookin’?” He was an Intercontinental champion, and at the end of 1998, he won the world title.

Rocky wound up as one of the most famous and entertaining wrestlers in history. In fact, in 2000, he hosted Saturday Night Live, which he has done twice more since.

Today: You already know. The guy is now Dwayne Johnson, actor extraordinaire. He makes millions of bucks making mostly pretty good movies.

#3. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin

I understand that I’m going to start taking some flack here. “Austin as #3?!? He was the biggest star EVER!!!” That may be, but not the top star of the ‘90s. Not by my logic.

Austin was “Stunning” Steve Austin in WCW in the early ‘90s. In 1995, he joined the WWF as The Ringmaster, and later changed it to “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. His popularity shot off in 1996 after winning The King of the Ring tournament in my hometown of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. After the tournament, he coined “Austin 3:16”, which graced more t-shirts than any other slogan in wrestling history. He became the ultimate representative of every guy who wanted to beat up his boss in his feud with Vince McMahon. He flipped middle fingers, cursed, and made everybody laugh.

I wasn’t a HUGE fan of Austin during his run in the WWF, but looking back, I miss how entertaining he really was. He’s not the top star of the ‘90s because it too until the second part of the decade for him to really emerge. However, he is widely regarded as the most successful wrestler in history – making more money and drawing more people than Hulk Hogan in his prime.

Today: Austin’s bad neck forced him to retirement in 2003. He came back briefly in 2004, but that was about it.

#2. The Undertaker

When I think of ‘90s wrestling, I think of The Undertaker. He made his debut in 1990 and was one of the most consistently popular wrestlers of the decade.

The Undertaker had probably one of the least believable gimmicks in history: he was a dead guy. He was dead. A walking, wrestling, dead guy. But he played it to such perfection and wrestled well on top of it that people bought into it.

He beat Hulk Hogan for the world title at Survivor Series 1991, only to lose it a few days later. Then he began a streak of wrestling really tall and big guys, culminating in his world title feud with Yokozuna, where he lost the casket match at the Royal Rumble in 1994. He returned at SummerSlam (beating a fake Undertaker that ran around for a few months) and continued his streak of popularity. Finally, at WrestleMania 13 in 1997, he won the world title again and kept it for the summer. He ended the ‘90s as one of the most hated men in the WWF after starting the Ministry of Darkness and becoming all demonic and stuff.

Today: In 2000, Undertaker dropped the dead man gimmick for a few years and wrestled as a biker, riding a motorcycle to the ring. In 2005, he came back as the dead man once again. He’s won numerous world titles and is arguable still the most popular wrestler around today, as well as one of the most respected. He is also now known as the man with the undefeated WrestleMania streak, which currently sits at 17-0 as of this writing.

#1. The Outsiders (Kevin Nash and Scott Hall)

And here comes the hate mail!

Here’s my argument: there were no two guys that impacted ‘90s wrestling like The Outsiders. They were at the top of the WWF and WCW throughout the decade.

Scott Hall (on the right) started in the WWF in 1992 as Razor Ramon, who was a mainstay in the Intercontinental Title picture from 1993-1996. Kevin Nash joined the WWF in 1993 as Shawn Michaels’ bodyguard, Diesel. Diesel would win both the Intercontinental Title and then the world championship in 1994. He spent 1995 as the world champion before losing it to Bret Hart at Survivor Series.

Then, in 1996, they joined WCW. But instead of just showing up and wrestling, Hall came out of the crowd during a match on Nitro and pretty much implied that he was from the WWF and he was invading WCW. Nash followed suit a week later, and they became The Outsiders. Joining with Hulk Hogan, they formed the nWo.

The nWo made being a bad guy cool. They kicked around pretty much everyone throughout the late ‘90s in WCW. They rocked the wrestling world by pretending to be invaders and coming in through the crowd. WCW looked like it was going to die at their hands.

They wound up overdoing the whole nWo thing, and it ruined WCW’s shows to the point where they wound up folding in 2001 and being bought out by Vince McMahon.

Today: They’re old. Really old. Nash still looks to be in shape, but after a brief run in the WWF again, he got all gray-haired. Here’s a Polaroid of me with Nash at a small wrestling event from last December:

He’s really tall.

Hall would also have a short run in the WWF in 2002, but then he let his “personal demons” get the better of him and put on a bunch of weight. He can now be seen worldwide on the internet getting kicked out of various bars and generally being a disorderly drunk.

So that’s it! Those of you who are non-wrestling fans are incredibly excited to see that this week is over, and those of you are are wrestling fans are probably upset because my list is different from your list.

#10. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

(He’s the guy on the left.)

Hunter Hearst Helmsley (aka HHH, or Triple H) started working in the WWF in the mid-‘90s as a snobby Englishman who bowed to the audience before he wrestled. Yup, that sucked. He even had a fake British accent that was darn near unbearable.

But backstage, he hung out with Shawn Michaels (the other guy eating a banana in the above picture), and in 1997, they formed a group called “D-Generation X”, who ran around like little kids making crude jokes and generally beating the crap out of people. It was, in my opinion, one of the most entertaining groups I ever saw in wrestling. After Shawn had to temporarily retire (see below), Hunter expanded DX and led the group to new heights of hilarity. He spent much of the late ‘90s fighting for the Intercontinental Title, but in 1999, he finally won the world championship.

Today: Triple H now goes by nicknames such as “The Game” and “The King of Kings”. He’s won a bunch of world titles and has pretty much dominated this decade as the guy to beat.

#9. Hulk Hogan

If this were a “Top 15 Wrestlers of the ‘80s” list, Hogan would be at the top, hands-down. He was THE most recognizable and most popular wrestler in the ‘80s, and to this day, just about everybody knows who he is. In fact, the moustache that I sport on my face as I type this is compared to Hulk Hogan’s legendary ‘stache, which my moustache takes as an extreme compliment.

In the ‘90s, Hogan started off with a full head of steam, but by 1993, his welcome was worn out. At WrestleMania IX, he basically watched Bret Hart and Yokozuna wrestle for 15 minutes over the world title, waited for the match to end, then walked out and pinned Yokozuna and took the title, expecting the fans to go crazy. We didn’t really care – we thought it was pretty lame. So in the summer of 1993, he left.

He showed up in WCW in 1994 to a huge amount of fanfare, and won the world title in his first stinking match. Why wait around, right? He sat in WCW for a number of years, constantly in the main event, despite being one of, if not the worst wrestler on the roster. In 1996, after over a decade of being the ultimate good guy, Hogan turned into “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan, and led the New World Order (nWo). That started years of Hogan giving reaallllyyyy long interviews and reaallllyyyy boring matches, all ending with him holding the world title. He was the most hated man in wrestling, but mainly because he sucked.

Today: After WCW was bought out by the WWF, Hogan jumped in – again as leader of the nWo – but after a few weeks, he went back to being a good guy. The fans went crazy for him, but again, his welcome wore out. He had a horrible show called Hogan Knows Best, and is now in the middle of a very public divorce after cheating on his wife with his teenage daughter’s friend, and he recently commented that he “understood” why O.J. Simpson killed his wife. Good work, Hulk!

#8. Yokozuna

Yokozuna OWNED the early-to-mid ‘90s. The WWF pushed him as a 550-pound sumo monster (although he was actually Samoan, not Japanese). His finisher: he sat on people. Brilliant! In 1993, after he beat Hogan to regain the world title, he was the ultimate obstacle for any wrestler to face. Lex Luger couldn’t beat him. The Undertaker couldn’t even do it. It took until WrestleMania X when Bret Hart pinned him did Yoko finally go down. But 1993-1994 were the years that Yokozuna was the classic WWF villain, holding the championship hostage from any and all challengers. People hated him for it.

After that, Yoko’s weight was spinning out of control. He got well over 600+ pounds, and took some time off to try to lose it. He came back at WrestleMania XI to team with Owen Hart and be tag team champions for a period of time. He turned “good guy” for a while, suddenly knowing perfect English. After a match with Vader, he supposedly had a broken leg, and they had to bring a forklift down to the ring to get him out. His last appearance was at Survivor Series 1996 at the end of the year.

He sat on the roster for 2 more years trying to lose weight. He dropped 100 pounds, but could not pass his physical test. He was released in 1998.

Today: In 1999, his last major appearance was in a Heroes of Wrestling pay-per-view (noted for being one of the worst shows in American PPV history). He looked incredibly overweight compared to his days in the WWF. Finally, on October 23, 2000, Rodney Anoa’i (his real name) died of heart failure at the age of 34. He was 600 pounds at the time of his death.

#7. Mick Foley (Cactus Jack/Mankind/Dude Love)

Mick Foley spent the first half of the ‘90s in WCW as Cactus Jack, a wrestler with little care for his own body. He had a violent feud with Vader – which was darn fun to watch when I was a kid! – and won the tag team championship there. In 1996, he joined the WWF as Mankind (see picture). He had a brilliant feud with The Undertaker throughout 1996. In 1997, he brought back the character of Cactus Jack for a while, as well as Dude Love, which was his homemade character when he was a kid wrestling in the backyard.

In 1998, Mankind’s most famous match took place at the King of the Ring. In a “Hell in a Cell” match with The Undertaker, he was thrown off the top of the cage, falling sixteen feet and through an announcers’ table. Later he got back on top of the cage and fell through the top as one of the roof panels caved in. According to Foley’s great autobiography, this was unplanned, and a chair that was on the panel as well struck him in the face as he hit the ring and knocked out a tooth. The match made Mankind more popular than ever due to the pain he put himself through, and he began to show up in the main events.

In 1999, he beat The Rock for the world championship and they feuded over the title for a while.

Today: Foley retired, then came back, then retired, then came back, etc. for a while. He was an announcer for WWE Smackdown! for a time, but then quit. Now he is wrestling in TNA, apparently.

#6. Shawn Michaels

It was difficult to put “The Heartbreak Kid” this low on the list, but it had to be done. Michaels was my favorite wrestler when he turned good in 1995. Before then, he was a cocky bad guy who was one of the most talented wrestlers in the WWF. At WrestleMania X, he and Razor Ramon competed in a ladder match that changed the way wrestling was presented forever. The next year he lost a match against the world champion (Diesel) and turned good the next night.

In 1996, at WrestleMania XII, Michaels won the world championship and held onto it the rest of the year. He dropped it due to a knee injury (some claim it was faked), and came back in late 1997 to feud with The Undertaker, competing in the first-ever “Hell in a Cell” match. At Survivor Series 1997, he took part in the “Montreal Screwjob”, the most talked-about and well-known incident in wrestling history. His opponent, world champion Bret Hart, did not want to lose his title to Michaels. Vince McMahon, the decision-maker, told him in a private backstage meeting that he wouldn’t have to. In the middle of the match itself, McMahon came down to ringside and had the timekeeper ring the bell, awarding the match to Michaels. Hart sat in the ring, dumbfounded, spit on McMahon and destroyed the set. Afterwards, he went backstage and reportedly punch McMahon in the face, giving him a black eye and temporarily knocking him unconscious.

Michaels took the belt and was world champion again. At Royal Rumble 1998, he wrestled The Undertaker in a casket match and hit his back on the corner of the casket. This caused considerable damage to his already-hurt back, and at WrestleMania XIV, he lost the title to Steve Austin and retired, barely being able to walk because of his back pain.

Today: Michaels returned in 2002, and continues to wrestle for the WWF.

#15. Lex Luger

Lex Luger was strange in that he was wildly popular wherever he went, but when you look back, you’re still trying to figure out why. Luger started out the ‘90s in World Championship Wrestling (WCW), where he held the United States Championship and was their world champion for a period of time as well. He left to go to Vince McMahon’s World Bodybuilding Federation (WBF), a company that Vince hoped would succeed in the idea that the American public enjoyed watching guys flex their muscles for long periods of time. Judging by today’s reality shows, it might work now. But then, people needed more.

Once that fell through, he joined the World Wrestling Federation (WWF) as “The Narcissist”, a guy that flexed his muscles for long periods of time. You gotta hand it to Vince, he really pushed hard for that flexing thing. It bombed.

In 1993, one of the greatest villains of the ‘90s, Yokozuna (found elsewhere on this list) was challenging everyone to try to bodyslam his 500+ pound body. They held the contest on the U.S.S. Intrepid for some reason. Looking back on it, I wonder how entertaining it was to watch a billion guys walk into the ring and try to pick up another guy for what I’m sure was hours. All of a sudden, Luger landed on the ship in a helicopter wearing a stars ‘n stripes-laded shirt. He bodyslammed Yoko, and he became the top superstar in the company (though Yokozuna’s manager would continue to entertainingly claim, “IT WAS A HIP TOSS!”). He toured the country on a bus called the “Lex Express”, which was a really lame way of trying to get people to like a wrestler. Seems like if you’d have him WRESTLING, he might have made a bigger impact. He beat Yoko by countout at SummerSlam 1993 and floundered around for a while.

He left the WWF and joined WCW again on the first night of WCW’s new program, Monday Nitro. It was considered a huge move, and Luger spent the rest of the ‘90s in the main event scene there, fighting the biggest villains of WCW.

Today: Luger, sadly, had a series of medical problems and was paralyzed for a while recently. Now he can walk for short periods of time using a cane, and is a born-again Christian. Obviously, he is not wrestling anymore.

#14. Owen Hart

I get sad when I watch old clips of Owen, because I never truly appreciated how darned entertaining he was in our favorite decade. He started off the decade in the WWF in 1991, as just another wrestler. At the end of 1993, he started the best run of his life: the jealous little brother of ‘90s legend Bret “The Hitman” Hart.

The storyline went that Owen was tired of his older brother getting all the attention, so he wanted to step into the spotlight. He fought his brother for the first time at WrestleMania X, and he pinned him clean in the middle of the ring. Later that night, Bret won the world championship, and it set up the best feud of 1994, culminating in a big steel cage match at SummerSlam 1994. After that program ended, Owen was simply a cocky heel who felt he was the best thing since sliced bread. It was simple, and he did it perfectly.

The next few years he spent claiming to be a “Two-Time Slammy Award Winner”, where he stole awards from other wrestlers and claimed them as his own. It even said so on his tights. Man, Owen was funny.

The late ‘90s saw Owen get a rougher edge and eventually join The Nation of Domination, which was a, um, black militant group that wound up with Owen and a Samoan guy named Rocky Maivia.

In 1999, Owen reprised his first gimmick from the late-‘80s, The Blue Blazer, which was a bumbling superhero. At the Over The Edge 1999 pay-per-view event, he was scheduled to descend from the rafters of the Kemper Arena in St. Louis, Missouri and take a pratfall at the end. Tragically, the quick-release mechanism snapped as he was descending, and in front of the entire live audience of thousands, he fell 78 feet from the ceiling and landed chest-first on the ropes before falling into the ring. The cameras did not catch it live, and there is no videotape of it that exists to this day. That night, on May 23rd, 1999, Owen Hart was pronounced dead. In a controversial move, the show was ordered to continue, and the next night on Monday Night Raw, the WWF saluted Owen with an entire tribute show dedicated to him with wrestlers performing out of character and making comments about him.

Today: Owen is remembered as a very entertaining guy, and supposedly one of the nicest guys that ever walked backstage. I’ve never heard a bad word said about him in any interview or book I’ve ever read.

#13. Bill Goldberg

This guy is the complete opposite: I liked Goldberg at the time, but now I think he was terrible. He spent the late ‘90s bursting onto the scene in WCW and beating up nobodies left and right. They kept a horribly inaccurate record of his wins, and apparently he went 173-0 before losing to Kevin Nash. During that streak, he won the United States Championship and even the world championship by pinning Hulk Hogan. His repertoire consisted of two moves: the Spear (a football-like tackle) and the Jackhammer. He spent the rest of his time grunting and making weird faces (see picture above).

After his streak ended, he floundered around as well. WCW didn’t really know what to do with him after that.

Today: In 2003, he joined the WWF for a while, and pretty much bombed. He has since retired from wrestling and spends his time complaining about how the WWF should have used him the way WCW did in the beginning (read: “I should never have to lose.”).

#12. Chris Jericho

He’s a great author, a great interview, and he wear ridiculous hair with the best of them. Chris Jericho was the most entertaining guy on WCW programming, and WCW never knew what to do with him. He led the Cruiserweight division in the late ‘90s, and had a “bodyguard” named Ralphus, a fat guy who followed him around in a half-shirt. He mocked Goldberg for a long time, but WCW never really pulled the trigger on it. His best WCW moment was when he was feuding with Dean Malenko, a man who billed himself as “The Man of 1,000 Holds”. Jericho, in response, claimed to be “The Man of 1,001 Holds”. He sat on the microphone with a list of wrestling moves and read them on-air. They even went to a commercial break and came back – he was still reciting moves, most of which were just variations of the armbar. It was a classic moment.

After being tired of working at WCW, Jericho joined the WWF in 1999 and was given one of the most hyped-up surprise entrances in history, interrupting ‘90s legend The Rock and rocking the live audience.

Today: Jericho left WWF for a while, but then came back with a new look and a new attitude. He has dropped his goofy persona and is now an ultra-serious bad guy. I hear he does really well with it, too. Good for him.

#11. Sting

Sting was definitely a wrestler of the late-‘80s/early-‘90s. He sported bleach-blonde hair, bright colors, and smiled a lot. He was ultra-popular in WCW. Then, as the WCW was threatened by the nWo, Sting was accused of joining the bad guys. He was so offended at the accusation that he stopped wrestling and dressed up like The Crow (see above picture).

There started a slow burn for a full year, as Sting sat in rafters at the arenas and just watched everything unfold. The wrestling world was on the edge of their seat anytime he did anything, such as rappel down from the rafters (before Owen’s accident) and beat up the nWo with a baseball bat. One of the most anticipated matches of the entire decade was held at Starrcade 1997, when Sting kinda beat Hulk Hogan for the WCW title. Sting then went back to being a rather forgettable good guy, but still amazingly popular.

Today: The Stinger is now wrestling in TNA, where he has held their world title for a long time I guess.

Stay tuned for more later this week!

Now, I don’t really keep up with wrestling anymore. Outside of a few friends getting together to watch WrestleMania every year, I don’t watch it. I think it’s devolved to even dumber plots than ever before, and not much about it is very entertaining.

I recently had the pleasure of watching World Wrestling Entertainment’s latest DVD offering, “The Greatest Superstars of the ‘90s” (thank you, Netflix!), and it just bummed me out. I miss the days when wrestling was entertaining.

I was originally going to do a “Top 10” today, but I had a hard time narrowing it down. So, this week is Wrestling Week, where I look at the Top 15 wrestlers of the decade. This is my list, not yours. Disagree all you want, I don’t care. I had my own set of criteria to base my opinions on, and I stand by it.

This is not a “my favorite” list. This is a list of wrestlers I feel were the most important in the ‘90s – and they made the decade a heckuva lot of fun to watch. Enjoy!

McCrary is better known – or I might as well say “only known” – for playing ladies man Eddie Winslow on one of our ‘90s favorites: Family Matters.

Eddie was the idol of Steve Urkel, who was smarter, more creative, and a lot more recognizable than Eddie. If you saw the guy who played Eddie walking down the street, you probably wouldn’t really recognize him. But if Jaleel White is strutting on the sidewalk, you bet you would scream “URKEL!!” and make him wish he really had invented that Bruce Lee thing.

Eddie played a lot of basketball like a good stereotypical sitcom oldest son. He also, like the stereotype, liked going out with lots of girls. He claimed to be a singer on a dating talk show, only to sing the word “baby” over and over again.

I looked around for a good Eddie Winslow YouTube clip, and I couldn’t find much, so here he is rapping with the rest of the family:

Man, I miss early-‘90s sitcom raps. Happy birthday, Darius McCrary!

I shouldn’t be so hesitant to include this, actually. You know why? Britney is crazy and irrational, and pretty washed-up too, in my opinion. But this was one of the hottest songs of the ‘90s. Absolutely, no question.

And Britney was hot, too. She was cute, had a rockin’ body, and she made music you could dance too. Her bubbly personality really attracted fans, and she turned everything into gold for a couple of years.

“…Baby, One More Time” was Britney’s first monster hit. It hit the airwaves in 1998 and never looked back, off of her self-titled debut album. This was so big that Rolling Stone (a magazine/company that loses credibility with me every day) named it the #25 song on the Top 100 Greatest Pop Songs of All Time. Blender put it at #9 of the 500 Greatest Songs Since You Were Born. That magazine just annoys me.

But still, you can’t deny just how popular this song was at the time. The music video was seen everywhere – because it featured Spears with backup dancers all dressed up like slutty schoolgirls. With pigtails.

It remains Spears’ biggest hit ever.

	Britney Spears - Baby One More Time
	Found at skreemr.com

Gap Khakis (1998)

This makes me want to dance. It does not, however, make me want to wear khaki pants. Maybe if they were singing, “I’m just mad about saffron…”

“Yo Quiero Taco Bell” Chihuahua

We all said it. A lot. I would’ve hated to be a Taco Bell employee in the late ‘90s. And who actually thought a talking dog would prompt people to get a taco? Just because dogs like it? Hey, they eat dog food and lick parts of their body that I’m betting we wouldn’t want to lick. So why are we basing our tastes on what they like anyway?

Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins

I spent a good part of my youth with “Obeyyy Waaaario! Destroy Maaario!” stuck in my head. That’s a problem, isn’t it?

WWF Attitude Super Bowl Commercial

The WWF had a commercial during the Super Bowl. THAT’s how big it used to be, guys!

Perfection

Anybody really know why they felt the need to give this guy a big fake chin?

Ricola

Again, a commercial I heard in my head a lot as a child.

Gummi Worms

A) Like nobody notices the 4-foot children standing in the middle of the elevator? And B) how hilarious is the expression on the Asian guy’s face while he is hitting the buttons?

Crossfire

Yeah, Crossfire wasn’t THAT much fun.

Life Savers Holes

Stupid redundant product? Yep. Did I eat them like crazy? You bet.

Gator Golf

What could be greater? How about not letting your 6-year old son making you look like a wuss when you putt? How about that?

Did you enjoy this one? Check out our original post from last week!

So, as I rediscover the awesomeness of D.C., let’s take a look at why we love(d) him so much over the years!

1.    The hair.

Does anyone know how to rock more fad hair styles that Copperfield? As he creeped into the ’90s, his hair got more long and flowing. Then it started getting feathered out. And you know what? We never said a word. It was wonderful. Then in the mid-’90s, he trimmed it down, got it under control, and started sporting - you guessed it! - a rockin’ mullet. God bless that hair.

2.    Cheesy jokes.

Nobody understands and appreciates cheesy jokes more than The ’90s Guy, and I like to think that all the Supporters out there do too. At least that’s what I’m banking on.

Our man Dave enjoyed cheesy jokes better than anybody on television EVER. He was like Fozzie Bear doing magic tricks. "It’s Copperfield, not cop-a-feel!" Hiyoo.

3.    Dragging out tricks much longer than they need to be.

If you ever get your hands on old footage of David Copperfield’s magic, you’ll notice something: for every one-hour television special, the guy did, like, 6 tricks at most. SIX. He literally spends 10, maybe 15 minutes on the actual trick, and well over 45 minutes of the show dancing and making jokes.

Hey Dave, I get that you’ve got to work in the patter to add to the illusion, but this is a little excessive. So why does that make him awesome? Because when we watch it, WE REALLY DON’T CARE. We don’t! We’re too caught up in it, and he knows that. He takes full advantage of it, and that makes him awesome.

4.    The chicks.

Need I say more? Dave wears pants so tight that my feet turn purple just watching him, and he struts around with beautiful ladies, who grind and rub all over him every ten minutes. Why does he drag out tricks longer than they need to be? Mystery solved.

5.    Well, the TRICKS.

Come on, the guy’s amazing. In the ’90s alone, he went over Niagara Falls, made a giant train car from the Orient Express disappear, he freaking FLEW, he escaped hanging upside down above burning spikes from burning ropes in a straitjacket, he made it snow onstage and played around with ghosts - among others. What have you done lately?

Name another magician as awesome. David Blaine? He does card tricks and lock himself in boxes for long periods of time. Whoopee. Criss Angel? The guy is more concerned with being a deep, introspective punk rocker who hangs out with midgets. Copperfield blows these guys out of the water.

BONUS #6.    He doesn’t claim to be "magical".

He calls it "illusion". Heck, he’s even told people, "Remember: what you’re seeing is just an illusion." He doesn’t act like he’s made a deal with the devil (a la David Blaine), and he doesn’t act like he’s cooler and more important than you are (a la Criss Angel), even though it’s clear he is. He just does his magic to entertain you.

But he is fiercely protective of that stuff, too. He keeps all his tricks, old and new, in a secret warehouse in the desert out West. This place is so secretive that not even the INTERNET knows where it is! I’ve never found anything that suggests definitive proof on where it is. THAT is awesome in and of itself.

I was going to include a YouTube clip of one of his tricks or something, but then I found this video and I felt it was too great to pass up. Enjoy!

Do you have any memories of watching the Magic of David Copperfield specials? Share them in the comments below!