In 1993, Disney released what was originally supposed to be a TV-movie to be played in between its hordes of music videos starring Disney Channel stars… wait, they didn’t do that back in 1993. Back then, it was about showing, you know, good programming. Anyway…
Walt Disney Studios felt that the script could carry some bigger names and bring in some scratch at the box office (man, I love using the word “scratch”), and movie history was made - actually, the film was quite forgettable. In any case, here are the ladies of Hocus Pocus, a mediocre witch movie from the ’90s, by request from you faithful V90s readers:
OK, in the middle we have Winifred Sanderson, played by the “lovely” Bette Midler. She’s loud. She’s red-headed. She’s got big honkin’ buck teeth. She’s also the smart one, and gets frustrated dealing with her moron sisters. Like all good witches, she can shoot lightning from her fingertips and stun her victims. Like all good women, she’s very melodramatic, and is sensitive about being called “ugly”. I assume they wanted Bette to play herself in the role, and just gave her buck teeth to make her think she’s playing a role. She rides a broom. Seems obvious, but notice the others.
To the right, we have Mary Sanderson, played by Kathy Najimy. Somewhat dim (read: a moron), she acts like a dog, sniffing out children and barking when she gets excited. She’s also the level-headed one of the group, who calms down crazy Winnie when she gets all worked up. She also sucks up to her at every chance she gets. Mary rides a vacuum cleaner, presumably to support her better. Because… well, you know.
To the left is Sarah Sanderson, played by Sarah Jessica Parker. Note: this would be the only time I really find Sarah Jessica Parker rather attractive, but looking at that picture, I’m wondering why. Because she’s the “attractive” blonde of the group, she’s boy-crazy and dumb as a brick. She can control children’s minds with her voice, which makes me uncomfortable. She’s also great at spellcasting. She rides a mop. It’s funny because she’s hot and stupid.
So there you have it: the ladies of Hocus Pocus. It grossed $39.5 million nationwide, which isn’t terrible. They ground out a profit, and that’s all you can ask for. I’m going to go try and find some pictures of Sarah that make me think she’s attractive. They’ve GOT to be around here somewhere…
Technorati Tags: sarah jessica parker, 1993, hocus pocus, disney
